littleshoebox

That's one of my favorite lines from the show I'm working on "Flee This Place", an innovative mash-up of Medea and Antigone. I am part of the Greek Chorus (there are two of us). The show takes place in a metaphorical layer of hell where these Greek characters reside in their tragedies. One of the chorus members is an "American Psycho"-esque man who fantasizes about electrocution and the other a girl in pigtails (me), a wrist cutter who is terrified of the space she's found herself in. It's a brutal new work with lots of fantastic local talent. After we strike, I have two weeks and then I do Temple's Christmas show. Then *fingers crosses* hopefully Dearly Departed and/or Oklahoma! and/or South Pacific. It's been a healthy theatre season for me so far. Hopefully that can continue.

The pink elephant in the room is i was supposed to be a bride today. This is the dress I wanted to save up to buy. The colors were red and gold (with some brown). a mural of La Scala would be painted (or printed) on the wall. The first song would have been "You Send Me" by Sam Cooke. Everybody would go home with a masquerade mask as their favor. It would have been glorious, sophisticated and beautiful. And it would have been miserable.

Instead, I am here in my rustic Carrboro home with a little ball of fur named Baxter (who is pure pitbull and pure adorableness) and a boyfriend who happily falls asleep at midnight. I am the night owl, him the early bird, but we manage okay. He's terrible at budgeting and I don't work as much as I should, but we get by, just like every twenty something finds a way.

More on Baxter...he is 2 months old and very much the rambunctious puppy. We're pretty sure he's pure pit-bull. I have never raised or owned any type of dog. I am in over my head. I've barely been home due to rehearsals and I guess I'm spoiled because Boomer is so well-behaved. You can't keep anything on the floor because he'll chew it. And he still hasn't figured out that he needs to go outside to poo. I've never picked up so much dog shit in my life. Thankfully, he doesn't whine too much and sleeps in his kennel at night. In the morning we take him out and then he snuggles in the bed between us. He won't go back to bed unless he's cuddling up against us on our bed. (Braden has been threatening to build a "mega-bed" so all 4 of us can sleep together. Um, yeah don't get me started haha). He's one spoiled pup. He frustrates the hell out of me, but I am growing attached to him.

We had some of the best sex we've ever had last night and then had our first big fight. In that order. It's really mostly my fault, with my insecurities about being an adult and responsible and living on my own and having enough money to pay for everything and wanting to live comfortably and act and sing and blah blah blah. I've had a lot of worries and anxiety and depression and paranoia recently. The fact is we just haven't had any time to spend together between his work and my work and rehearsal. It's really distressing to come home and he's passed out. It's like "another wasted day without Braden". I finally the other day was like "we have to breakfast together or else I'm gonna go insane"

He didn't pay the rent on time (and didn't tell me) and in a week full of paranoia and the fact that I've been seeing boxes of electronics come in the mail all the time was a major red flag. And I just lost in. I found myself feeling totally out-of-control, seeing images of us in financial mediocrity in 5 years. him telling me not to be disappointed if we just end up average. All this stuff...that I, the "narcissist actress" find frightening.

So basically because Braden is so sarcastic about everything I have pretty much been not wanting to initiate a lot of things. He makes fun of me and the things I like...every tv show I watch is a joke to him. It's really stupid. We really can't talk about any of my interests and it's been grating on me. More just because he has nothing to say rather then lack of disinterest.

So I'm gonna try not be so afraid of...boring him? Overwhelming him with my love of the arts and fine dining? Geez I guess I'm a little stupid.

We agreed that if I chose to go to school in NYC or Chicago, he would follow me. Positive. He's gonna have his IT career. He's gonna build me a house someday.

It was a stupid fight. We're still fantastically in love. We embraced happily and fell asleep in each others arms. Woke up to him kissing me goodbye on his way to work. He came back during his break though and we watched The Office, the one where Pam and Jim get married. And we laughed. Together.

Happy fucking parallel universe wedding day.

The house is pretty much spotless and reorganized. B and I took our days off and spruced up the place. Sometimes a little group effort makes all the difference. This place looks really spectacular when it's clean. He spent most of the day reorganizing his man cave (and reformatting his new MP3 player...) but I must say it looks pretty awesome.

Now if only I could find a way to get this chaise lounge, my lady cave would be complete. That and I still need a GIANT bookshelf to house all my theater books and DVDs.




AH-MAH-ZING!


I have an Ipod again. Braden bought a new Zune so he gave me his old Ipod. And this one has a warranty, so it can take any clumsiness I give it. I am really into the Glee covers right now. I can't wait to hear next week's "Somebody to Love"

Speaking of Glee...it does not disappoint. One sentence: football players doing the single ladies dance. (Also from Glee: the subject line uttered by the ridiculously fantastic comedienne Jane Lynch) Neither does Biggest Loser or Dancing With the Stars...and SO MUCH MORE. AH I LOVE FALL TV.

Today Braden and Boomer and I went to the Farmers Market. It was one of those wonderful warm fall NC days where it still feels a little bit like summer, without the humidity. I love this town and the fact that you can just stroll around everywhere without abandon. I got some great basil, squash and zucchini and made a lovely pesto pasta (from scratch!) for dinner. Braden wants another dog...we found a Lab/Sharpei mix on the Chapel Hill animal shelter website. His name is Guillermo...is that not the cutest name for a pup? I don't know if I can handle the responsibility of another dog. I am just so busy with rehearsal and piano and voice and WORK and trying to maintain this house.



Say hi to Guillermo.


But...I need to meet him in person. He's really cute, no?

Well...one can dream.

But otherwise, things are well. Braden and I enjoyed Labor Day cooking his famous turkey burgers over our fantastic fire pit, along with some of my not-so-homemade cherry pie. We then cuddled under our outdoor lights next to the bonfire and watched Flight of the Concords on our outdoor movie screen. It must be said: we have an amazing backyard. Credit goes to him for creating such a magnificent space. Now if only people would just come over and we wouldn't have to spend the holidays alone. Yes we live out in the boonies...but it's nice having each other. Plus now we have a fantastic firepit...now we know what we can do for winter parties...

I am currently ASMing the Distillery's production of "Flee This Place". It's nice to ASM because I spend a lot of time observing the actors. I think observing can help a lot as an actor. It's a fantastic avant garde ensemble piece and I hope it's very successful.

I was cast in TIP's Christmas Carol and it's looking good for me to be cast in Temple's Christmas Carol too. It's very rare that I have to turn down an acting job...but I might actually have to in this case. Progress, no?

I received an invitation to audition at the Asheville Lyric Opera this weekend, as Chorus, but still YAY. It's at 9:20 in the morning...not exactly looking forward to THAT time. It's my first opera audition so hopefully I do well! They are doing The Marriage of Figaro, Don Pasquale and Carmen. Fun!

I have a new voice teacher and new piano teacher and I love life in Carrboro and I love our house and I love Braden. The money is tight, and full-time work and health insurance are hard to come by but I'm doing the best I can. The life of an artist, n'est pas? And Braden loves every part of my journey and always seems to be in awe about how I handle things and life I lead. We compliment each other perfectly. It's delightful to have someone to experience the journey of young adulthood with.

I finally saw "Julie & Julia" and I adored it. I was salivating the entire time, oohing and ahhing over 1950s Paris...the food, the kitchens, that mortar and pestle! Now that the leaf to my grandparents kitchen table has been found, I have grand plans to throw a dinner party involving some recipes from "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" (which is back on the bestseller list after 40-something years and will go on my birthday wishlist as well. Boeuf Borguignon & Reine de Saba Gateau, here I come!), and yes perhaps even some vintage blouses and pearls (Halloween costume, perhaps? So Braden can't get me to shop at a thrift store, but Julia Child can! Does anyone know where I can find some of those fabulous 1950s-60s hats she wore?). I don't need to tell you that despite being a matronly clunker of a woman, something about Julia and the way she cooked and especially her relationship with Paul, her husband, was inherently sexy (Countless people have already come to this conclusion, including Julie Powell).

Of course, I was also taken by Julie Powell's part of the story...I can relate to wanting to find a purpose and blog self-absorption (also: in the book, she was an actress, albeit more of just a theater geek, which I consequently can also relate to). I imagine everyone and their brother is trying to find a purpose to blog about, which will turn into interviews that turn into books deals and hit movies starring Meryl Streep.

I mean...I know I am. :-\ I could use a life-changing project which allows me to write in my pajamas for a living.

Braden is currently at work supervising the cacophony that is UNC freshman orientation. The last time I worked till 1am was when I was waiting bar tables at Champps. I don't miss the late hours. It's a good thing we live together, otherwise I'm pretty sure we'd never see each other. One of us is always coming or going. God, I do wish he was here now. I've barely seen him all weekend and I miss him like crazy.

I haven't forgotten about sharing the rest of the moving-in adventures. I must state that I have never been a DIY kind of girl, other than perhaps scrapbooking. I have never had much interest in re-upholstering furniture (though Lord knows some of mine needs it) or making my own clothes or doing half the things that Braden does to this house out of sheer joy. By the time I reached adolescence, my parents had no desire for those sorts of activities, and had enough means to hire someone else to do anything that might need to get done. We always joke that my mom's a whiz at dialing numbers. It's true. And of course, my granddaddy Pal was just like Braden (And I become more like my grandma barbara all the time people tell me...more on those eerie similarities at a later date), a man who found pride in working with his hands. It doesn't take a family psychologist to figure out that my granddaddy's occasional resentment and frustration with my dad probably lead to my dad preferring words and ideas over handiwork.

But I digress. I had virtually no DIY experiences. So when I moved into this place and it was determined that the room with the orange walls would be my study, I knew that just wouldn't work. In my hearts of hearts, I simply could not be happy and serene in a space with pumpkin orange walls. With all my black furniture, every day would look like Halloween. So I began my first and probably not my last fixer-upper project: painting the room.

I found this delightful tapestry from Target that's grey and white with a huge black chandelier and and fuschia embellishments. I decided that piece would be inspiration for my room (nobody knew this at the time.) To make it work, the room would have to be, none other than fuschia. I considered eggplant purple, the color of my bedroom in my parents house, which is dramatic and deep, but it's much too dark for a tiny room with one window. I love purple, but I hate pastels. So I found a happy medium in fuschia. The paintmixer at Lowe's raised his eyebrow as did Braden but what do they know? It's my room. I guess coming home with paint cans in the Barbie palette is a little intimidating.

So what can you learn from the DIY paint-virgin?
- When masking the borders, make sure you use a thick enough tape to cover about 3 inches of the ceiling so the rollers don't paint parts of the ceiling as well.
- Priming is a bitch. And it will give you a contact high. I ridiculously decided to start this process at 10:30 at night with the AC off and the windows and doors closed so I could cover every single part of that icky orange to the best of my ability. I, Lady of Poor Sinuses, did not realize how pungent the fumes were until my boyfriend came in and nearly passed out. I was rolling in a furious state and egging myself on in a rather giddy fashion. After the room was completely primed and white, I starred at my handiwork in a dazed state. Then I did something incredibly stupid. It was 1am and I had not done the dishes for the evening. So I decided to WASH the PRIMER off my rollers in the BATHROOM SINK. Primer is oil-based, do you see the problem? Not only did it seem multiply in a Blob-esque fashion all over my hands, arms, legs, clothes...it definitely stained my sink good. I still haven't got all of it out. And even 20 minutes of exfoliating body wash couldn't get that stuff off me. It took a week, but eventually I shed it off.
- I am told that you only need one coat of prime, but I did two. Just to be safe. I hate orange that much, and I definitely didn't want it bleeding into the fuschia.
- Rolling the actual paint on was so much easier! Hooray for water based paints! Although the threads on my extension pole broke halfway through so I had to replace it (don't try to paint with just the roller...it's exhausting. Your right arm will thank you.) It looked pretty horrible after the first coat. I did the trim with a small paint brush, getting every cranny, and then rolled on the second coat, vertically, making sure I covered all my errant paintbrush strokes. I did, and it looked great.
- The only disappointing part is that the masking tape took of some of the white trim so some of my ceiling trim is chipped quite a bit. I'm not sure if it's because I left the tape on a week or because my trim is so old and crappily painted. In any case, that's a project for a later date. And it kind of fits in to the whole Rusty Rustic Estate motif.

Throw in the black furniture, lots and lots of books, a keyboard and several theater posters and it all looks rather splendid and inspired...even Braden, the fuschia-phobe, was impressed by my design.

It's funny when you're actually living life...you don't have time to blog it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, moving into a new house is exhausting. And like pregnancy and pot, it makes you ditzy and stupid. Like all you are thinking about is boxes, and unpacking, and putting things away. And all the things you have to buy. I spent nearly $200 on our groceries alone the first week...stocking the pantry and all that (don't tell Braden, he thinks I spent only $150). It is VERY expensive to get a kitchen and pantry started, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I think this is why college students and actors don't cook. They just move around too much. In any case, last week the bill was within budget so I think we're settling in okay.

We moved into our house on Thursday, the 30th. Coincidentally, our 2nd month anniversary. Ah, signs of moving too fast and being along for the ride. We ended up celebrating our new digs with quite a lot of Blue Moon and him, me and Boomer were sprawled all over the floor by midnight.

The next day we went to my grandparents estate to pick up my old college furniture. My big red chair and a half, the it's-so-comfy-i-can't-believe-it's-a-futon, some end tables and a bunch of stuff we scavenged out of the garage. Oh yeah, I've fallen in love with the ultimate dumpster diver, but in this case it's paid off. We have found some fantastic things at my dead grandparents, surpluses, and old lots. Braden really knows a find when he sees it. Like my kitchen...it had maybe 1.5 square feet of counter space. Not really all that much. Just a tiny bit on both sides of the sink. Well he found this totally kitschy industrial set of cabinets with numbers on them and then he found an old countertop and installed in our kitchen, tripling our space! Not only that...he built me all these shelves with hooks for all my pots and pans and goodness. As it turns out, I barely need the teal cabinets on the opposite wall (which he was gonna take down and put up more of those industrial cabinets...I protested. Big brown cabinets on the wall does not a pleasant room make.) Not only that he hung all my stuff up and it looked amazing. The way that man shows his love...I was floored.

I don't have any pics of the kitchen without the counter he put in...but just imagine it not being there. Doesn't it seem so empty and a waste of space? How did the previous tenants live? Also...that little cart under the cabinets. It has cutting boards all on it AND pulls at to become an island for prepping! So cool!! (It also served as a desk while I was remodeling the study/library).





This is the living room in its latest evolution. Eventually I want to get a better cover for that futon and the chair so it looks a little classier...but for now, it all looks really awesome. Braden pretty much designed everything. Those black bookshelves are mine...he put a board on top of them to create an ideal entertainment center. I doubted this notion, and I should never doubt him again. He has a gift for design...I do not (though he says I did an impressive job on my study). I just am good at finding pretty things. :) My favorite parts of the living room is the Mad Men-esque looking console table, the sunflower sculpture which his mom made and the picture frames with nothing in them. When my cousin came to visit she exclaimed, "This house is SO you." That's wonderful because apparently it's so Braden too.





Oh...there have been bumps along the way. Believe me, any new home owner/renter will tell you that. It doesn't help that our chatty old landlady went out of town for 2 weeks to Germany. The outlets are old and poor and at one point we couldn't have the living room AC unit running with anything else without blowing a fuse. And that was the second AC unit. The first one was so old that it sucked the juice out of the entire apartment and would only work at one temperature -- freezer level freezing. And when you're sleeping on the futon for the time being...feeling like a penguin does not equate to an easy sleep. The microwave blew a fuse, so did the vacuum cleaner. It was a frustrating puzzle figuring out what to plug where to avoid the inevitable "Fuck! AGAIN??!" The router has had to be moved about 7 times and until recently reset everyday. Finally it works in most places in the house. There was one night when Boomer ate a stick of butter of the kitchen table...and has knocked over and gone through the trash. He also crashed a funeral when I took him for a walk. And one of Braden's friends got trashed one night and went off with all my knives (we found all but one. he replaced it and apologized profusely...we are cool now.)

We have been really happy, but definitely fall into occasional bought of exhaustion (I think this photo personifies that). This is just the beginning. There's more to come...concerning a) how to go about painting a room when you've never done it before, b) how an amazing DIY guy can build a patio, an awning and outdoor furniture from mostly found objects, c) going through the estate on round 2 and convincing my dad to give us the motorcycle, among other things. More details coming soon.

Denouement: In a moment of insomnia, I dove through 150 pages of "Julie & Julia". I STILL have not seen the movie. But so far I love the book. I have been cooking up a storm, sometimes by my own design. Braden remains the grillmaster...his turkey burgers are to die for, and if you're anti-turkey burger, you haven't had these. Made with onions, garlic, brown sugar and a little bit of honey, they are savory sweet. Add pepper jack cheese and grilled peppers plus guacamole and you've got one of the most fantastic burgers I've ever tasted!! Plus I made sweet potato fries...I think that might be the only way I'm willing to eat sweet potatoes. They were also quite delectable. Add in some greek salad..and voila! Delicious homemade dinner of restaurant standards. I will definitely be taking more photos of food I make...perhaps my new blog project?

It's a cruel cruel world, to face on your own,
A heavy cross, to carry along,
The lights are on, but everyone's gone,
And it's cruel

It's a funny way, to make ends meet,
when the lights are out on every street,
It feels alright, but never complete,
without joy,

I checked you, if it's already been done, undo it,
It takes two, it's up to me and you, to prove it,
On the rainy nights, even the coldest days,
you're moments ago, but seconds away,
The principal of nature, it's true but, it's a cruel world,

We can play it safe, or play it cool,
follow the leader, or make up all the rules,
whatever you want, the choice is yours,
So choose,

I checked you, if it's already been done, undo it,
It takes two, it's up to me and you, to prove it,

I just knew.

I was feeling rather transcendental at the piano tonight (even if my mediocre playing sounded otherwise). I had a premonition that the rest of this year is going to be life-changing and spectacular. I find it rather bizarre that by the end of the week, I will have a completely new house and new home to create and make my own.

But most of the weekend I was definitely on edge, as my mother likes to call it.

In any case, it's like waiting for Christmas. Couple of boring days leading up to one big fantastic event (or disaster. but let's stay positive, people).

Also, karaoke tracks on youtube are one of the best things I've discovered in a while. For anyone who wants to hear a caterwauling rendition of Heart's "Crazy on You", look no further than Miss V.

I have to say...I went to a fantastic wedding last night. I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, for a multitude of reasons...social anxiety with old classmates, making sure the bf felt at ease amongst the upper crust, not to mention my first wedding since I called mine off. The ceremony was pleasant and inspired...I loved the mix of Western and Hindi traditions...it seemed to fit.

But lord, the reception was fabulous...I can honestly say it was everything that I dreamed for my own reception. Lovely buffet and lighting and dancing. Really fantastic and really classy. Really everything I want some day. Admittedly. Except with gardenias...and a fancier cake. (What? I'm a girl who loves a good cake.)

Words cannot even describe how I felt about the dress. It took my breath away. I am very very picky when it comes to wedding attire, but Mimi's Vera Wang was like nothing I've ever seen. I wish my phone didn't crap because I really wanted to take some pictures.

I'd say I wasn't in my element. But I was. I actually had a really good time, though I got a little drunk and emotional afterwards. I think I used to be such a loser back in high school because I was so shy and nerdy and antisocial, but over the years I've loosened up and I've found I really enjoy those kind of gatherings. Funny how after high school ends, 5 years later, everyone is kind of on the same page. I guess being of age to drink at those kind of parties helps loosen everyone up. So that's that.

So B and I...I got very nervous last night...reluctant to invite him to the wedding, but happy to show him off once he got there. It's always weird bringing a guy into a situation he's not used to. I'm sure I'll be the same way when he meets the rest of my family. So the guy doesn't own a blazer...if that's the biggest problem, I think we're gonna be okay. When the money comes back...I'll class up his wardrobe. There will always be more weddings and the occasional country club function to go to. What loving girlfriend wouldn't want her man to look dressed up and stunning? ;)

We're both scared about moving in together. The honeymoon glimmer is wearing off and I know my cracks are starting to show. But he assured me that he wasn't going anywhere and neither am I.

And now...some designer lust. i would love to get this to wear at my soon-to-have office job. On sale at Nordie's right now. Of course, the 6s and 8s disappeared immediately. Wish I could afford it...I haven't bought a new dress in over a year.

The Most Powerful Generation in America

"The Millennial Generation, those born between 1976 and 1996, the heirs to our economic legacy and ultimately the bearers of our economic destiny, are being disproportionately affected by the crisis, but continue to go unnoticed. This is even though they face unemployment at a rate more than 8% higher than the national average, suffer under a crushing average of $27,000 in student loan, $2000 in credit card debt, and a healthcare crisis that leaves 30% of them without any insurance. In addition, as young people enter the workforce, they are being pitted against individuals with much more experience than they have for the same entry level jobs due to recent layoffs, making finding a job exponentially more difficult."

This is all me. A college graduate with no full-time job and no health insurance (other than catastrophic coverage) I went to the doctor today for my daily check-up and paid out of pocket an astronomical amount. My doctor, who I've had since I was 18, could visibly see I was physically and emotionally stressed and anxious, to the point where I my cycles and hormones are all out of sorts. She prescribed me a serotonin and a new birth control with different estrogen levels. These prescriptions would cost me $287 out of pocket. Do you see the dilemma? How can I afford such needs?

I find it interesting that the children of the 1990s, beneficiaries to the most self-indulgent, economically prosperous period of our modern society are smack dab in the center it's economic downfall. We were built up and taught that we could be anything we wanted, if we worked hard enough and that in America you can dream to your hearts desire. Well that sounded dandy 5 years ago...now I really don't care about being an artist or doing what makes me happy. I'm not getting acting jobs at this point...it's obvious I can't focus on that right now. What would really make me happy is making enough money to be self-sufficient and pay my rent and health insurance. And, God willing, find a job that provides health insurance.

My life, as a whole, has become a big fucking world of NO.

Life happens in arcs (or acts, if you want to get theatrical, as I so often do). The arc I'm in right is transitional and terrifying.

Right now, I am apprehensive about the move to the house. Not because I don't love Braden or want to move to Carrboro...it's just a really big and permanent step for me. And it's so out of character for Miss Ginny. I use this metaphor: When a woman is pregnant and she feels she has no maternal instinct, and then as soon as the baby is born she has this instant connection with it. (Post-partum discrepancies aside...that's another story). Anyways, the point is, I think when I move into the house, I'll be more relaxed.

Also, I just watched the second episode of "Hung"...you know how I love good sexual social commentary and satire. It's a good combination of both. Jane Adams (no relation to my aunt) = subtlely hilarious.

One of my friends said that to me the other day "You're the girl who was destined for the big city, but then you ended up in a small town." It wasn't meant as an insult, and I don't take it to be. But it is what it is. And how things can spin on a dime in such a short period of time. Nobody died, but maybe a new epic was born.

Just putting it out there that I am inherently crazy, and I won't deny my impulsiveness...Am I only good for one epic romance? Because I think I might be up for round two, and this one seems traveling towards a more happier result.

I took a good chunk of my savings and put a security deposit down on a rental house in the middle of Carrboro. It's 1300 sq ft, has 3 bedrooms and a delightful little backyard to be used for bbqs and outdoor movie screenings. It's across the street from a rather serene cemetery, so at least the neighbors won't be noisy. ;)

We had seen some basement apartments and triplexes earlier in the day, but he seemed to be holding out for the house downtown. The landlord was asking way too little for it from what he could tell. A fixer-upper, yes, but a steal, ne'ertheless. I saw the candy colored walls and the rustic surroundings, room after room...my mind was wandering. We could see through all the garbage and piles of junk from the previous tenants, knowing that we could make something out of it. As she showed it to other guests, he looked me straight in the eye in the backyard and said "I want the house, and I want you in it."

So we hung around, outlasted the other interested parties like the attractive and gainfully employed couple we are and firmly asked for the lease. The landlady said to the tenants moving out "don't show it to anyone else, consider it sold." The grandmother at home cooed over our romantic glee. We went to the Station to celebrate, in disbelief, in happiness. One of the rooms will be my "library", in the vein of Beauty and the Beast, walls lined with books. And my keyboard of course...some nice parlor chairs, room for board games. A room all my own. My very own library. Not to be cloying, but it's something I've always dreamed of when daydreaming about my very own place, and here it is coming true at the grand old age of 23.

And somehow, within weeks, I put roots down in the "Paris of the Piedmont" and I will be making a home with my new beloved and his dog. He called us a family on the sly...well it's all a bit unorthodox, but if I've ever met anyone who's willing to dive head-first into life full-force, take the risks as they come as much as I do, it's Braden. For that I am grateful. I am grateful for his passion and faith in me. And faith in himself and what we will achieve together. I have no idea what his plans are for us, but I can't wait to find out.

I'm gonna establish myself in the community. Walk to the produce market, the coffee shop and the local bar, and bike everywhere else. It'll be like Europe all over again. Deja vu, n'est pas? Do the local theater. I have some small roles, movie work and ASM jobs lined up, and that could lead to other things. There's always something around the corner. The DREAM doesn't die, but relocates and refocuses. I will be here for the year, at the very least. I give him my heart and I give him the year, perhaps then some. I'm committed to that.

Can I vent about how since receiving my new phone last week, same number, that I have received a total of calls from 3 people (not including one or two business related things). 2 of those people being my boyfriend and my mom. I have become completely disposable and invisible to the entire world that I know of.

Why is it that whenever I try to cultivate non-romantic relationships with people, they fall apart? Or in my case, move away?? Or just sort of dissipate over time. This has been cyclical in my life...and here it goes again. Kind of believe it's a reflection on me.

And here I am, sitting on my boyfriend's bed, depressed and lonely as hell.

I have heard nothing from the theaters I auditioned for weeks ago. So frustrating...makes me kind of stir crazy.

Where do I even begin? This was one of the most awesome, most exhausting, weekends of my life, at least when it comes acting and entertainment. The kick-off to the 48 Hour Film Festival was Friday evening at 6pm. I had an audition at Triad Stage earlier that day so I was already in downtown Gboro. So I went to the kick-off, met up with Carin & Nick who are on another team, and saw my director Phoenix, his fiancee Mary (camerawoman and generally awesome lady) and our scriptwriter Steph who I happened to work with at RLT many moons ago! Not to mention a bunch of other random theater and film folk that I didn't know would be there. The industry is just that small, y'all!

So we had to pick our genres out of a hat. It was so suspenseful!! (Maybe it's me but I wasn't feeling "Holiday Film" or "Fantasy" lol). So Steph gets up there to choose...and we get SUSPENSE/THRILLER. Awesome. I immediately request to play someone badass and she complies. ;)

I went to hang with Braden and then got called back to UNCG at 1am. All throughout the night I kept getting little texts describing my character (business minded dominatrix attire? sure ok...anyone have nunchuks? Umm...). I knew it was going to be a blast and collected all my sexy black clothing among some other things.

We read through the script around 2am, prepped to begin...I thoroughly enjoyed it and throughout the night we began to build sets out of the Video Library at UNCG. Rather convinent that our script took place in a spooky video store, yes? :) The story is: our protagonist Sam the caterer finds that the owner of his local video store has been MURDERED. Three suspicious women show up in the shadows. A sleek dominatrix bounty hunter, a blaxplotation-esque cop, and a Kill Bill nerdy computer with Asian weapons. All of them out for blood...and the LOST Hitchcock tape! AWESOME, YES?!?!

Anyways...they didn't need me to shoot throughout the night so I actually crashed on the concrete floor around 3:15am and actually got a fair amount of sleep, though not terribly comfortable one. Got up at 8:30, ate bagels and got into make up around 10ish. My makeup was pretty intense bombshell style...my hair pulled back with one fallen strand in my face. I looked like a sexy vintage Bond villain. Anyways......didn't shoot a ton of stuff that morning with me in it. I think we hit a sleep roadblock anyways by the point, but I was frustrated because I had to leave at 4pm to drive to Raleigh for my Burning Coal audition. In the meantime, I developed my Eurotrash generic accent and watched what we had edited so far...looked pretty cool. Pretty convienent having our editor on site. They did shoot some awesome shadow work of the ladies and I and WEAPONS, to which we coined the tagline: "HOT CHICKS, GONNA KILL YA!"

So yeah, drove to Raleigh and sat around for a really long time while the auditors went on dinner break. FRUSTRATING. I thought I looked pretty ridiculous because I had my dramatic movie hair and makeup, but no one seemed to notice. Went in there did my thing, sung my rock song and asked if I could do a little opera too...since there aren't a lot of Soprano rock songs out there. lol. They seemed to enjoy that. I left and I ran into Mark St. Cyr from Elon on the way out. Felt pretty good and headed back to Gboro. As soon as I got there around 8:30, Phoenix was like "EAT DINNER. We're shooting all your stuff now!" So yeah, got back into costume and did so many shots of me talking on the phone in the bathroom. Really close corners with lights and camera all up in my face. And that bathroom SMELLED SO BAD. Glamourous...maybe not. Not to mention lots of shots of my boots. My boots should be credited in the film...they got shot a LOT.

So then we shot this massive chasing the protagonist around the labyrinth of bookcases. Good thing we had ton of grips...we had to make a few shelves look like hundreds by moving them around and shooting different angles. Took several hours. There was also LOTS OF FOG! (Tansie on Fog Machine...girl rocked it out.) At this point everyone was pretty punchy...it had to be around 11pm...OH and then I got called saying I got callbacks for HAIR and some other productions at Burning Coal! That made my night even better!

So yeah...it's 1am, Sunday morning and we're trying to choreograph the final fight scene, with a real knife on no sleep. God that felt like a bad idea and I knew it wasn't gonna look real. I mean, there's no way I'm gonna do a fight I learned in hour on little to no sleep with a real switchblade and get it up in Kevin's face. Just...no. DANGEROUS. But I still had fun attempting to be badass. And it was fun when we actually shot it. Running around in kneehigh boots and a little black dress, laughing maniacally. One of the shots got really intense and scary and Phoenix wanted me to get up in Kevin's face, I mean the adrenaline was RUNNING, we had to hug it out afterwards. It was like a really awesome Meisner exercise. And after each take I'm just like panting on the stairs, my hair more and more mussed. You haven't lived till you've had a knife fight in dominatrix clothing at 2:30am on no sleep. Anyways, SPOILER ALERT, my character gets knocked out by Je T'aime, the undercover cop (that's her real name, not her character). And they shoot the denoument with me passed out on the ground. I think I took nap during those shots. THEN WE WRAPPED AT 3:30am!!!!! SO EXCITING. I drove home to Braden's, passed out for real...around 4:30am. Pretty much the craziest, but most fun 24 hours of my life.

Our film is entitled "McGuffin's Video," which is a bit of a wink-wink title. For those who don't know film-speak, a "mcguffin" is an object that drives the plot of a movie, popularized in Hitchcock films. Ergo, in our movie, the lost Hitchcock tape. See how we did that? It's a little too punny to handle, I know. Wrap your minds around that, kids!

Oh, callbacks for Hair went pretty well I think. Despite the fact that I locked my keys in my car and Braden had to come save me (I took him to lunch while waiting for additional callbacks) I attended the movement auditions...along with some singing and readings too. I got there at 11am to do the movement audition, tumbled around, had lunch and adventures with Braden and then came back around 4ish. Ran into John Say and would LOVE to work with him in Hair. He'd make a great Claude. I was the VERY last auditionee of the day, which has never happened. I felt like I was on Idol, I was sitting around going kinda stir crazy and just rocked it out in my audition. I felt really really good about it and would just die to be in Hair, considering I pretty much a progressive hippie these days.

Then came a long nap.

So yeah...my weekend. Any questions?

Lol.


I am back from the beach...it was pretty much awesome and just the vacation I need. I am also spending way too much time with the boyfriend and not getting real life done. One of these days, I am gonna have to make some hard decisions, but not today. Why does being so bad feel so good?

I've said it before and I'll say it again: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

shweetvirginia (6:00:32 PM): it has occurred to me that i can no longer be critical of couples with overly preppy names.
annofanomaly (6:00:42 PM): hah why is that
shweetvirginia (6:00:46 PM): ginny and braden?
annofanomaly (6:00:50 PM): oh
annofanomaly (6:00:51 PM): wow
shweetvirginia (6:00:54 PM): yep.
annofanomaly (6:01:06 PM): jessica and paul...we sound bible-ish
shweetvirginia (6:01:18 PM): HA!!



Yesterday evening he came over...first gave him a taste of my Verdi stylings (I think he was either impressed or dumbfounded). We headed to the Station listening to great live music (first a Ben Folds-ish band, then an Offspring-ish band) and then running around in the POURING summer rain only to end up at a gazebo that wasn't really a gazebo but a deck with no roof and downing a bottle of Savignon Blanc together to the point where we were drunk silly, me in bra and jeans (him in just jeans) completely soaking wet and not giving a damn about anything in the world except each other.

It was the most exhilarating, spontanious fun I've had in a really really long time.

I mean, it was just that awesome and freeing.

Yeah.

What have you done to me?

Steve Buscemi's voice is natural to Kermit, dontcha think?

( the style of miss ginny )

So I get occasional female flack that I am not into weddings, and I was incredibly non-passionate about planning my own wedding. Which was true and should have been one of the first signs that I was getting married for all the wrong reasons. I really took every opportunity to avoid any sort of wedding planning. I didn't even like fantasizing about it. After a while, I was like "do we really need to visit Williams-Sonoma again and look at the fancy Cuisineart mixers?" It still blows my mind that I never even walked into a dress salon. Me, the woman who has WAY TOO MANY fancy dresses and no occasion to wear them to (no forseeable charity galas or formal dances in my future).

However, we are in prime wedding season, folks. I am reminded of this because a) it's June and wedding invitations are piling up in my mailbox and wedding photos seem to be all over facebook more and more and b) the Knot.com and other delightful websites continuously send me advertisements about MY BIG DAY. (Guess what solicitors? It doesn't exist any more. Please take me off your mailing list.)

But, I digress. I do like weddings. I like the idea that it's pretty much the only time where you can have a party dedicated to yourself and your significant other and invite everyone who's important to you and be totally unapologetic. You have the liberty to create something out of nothing and personalize it to your liking. It's definitely the one day as an adult that's a fairy tale and optimistic, and as someone who's lost a lot of her dream optimism and become totally grounded in reality *haha*, well it gives me a little sliver of something to believe in.

But still, I've never been one of those little girls who keeps a scrapbook about her dream wedding. I don't know where I want it or what my dress to look like or the cake or music and all that. I do have little flashes of certain things that make me happy. I would love piles and piles of gardenias because they are my favorite flowers in the whole world (even though they don't make very good bouquets) And according to Wikipedia, in France, Gardenia is the traditional flower which men wear as boutonnières.

My grandma loved gardenias because they were in bloom when my dad and his sister were born. So to me they represent a happiness that transcends my own. They made her happy and whenever I see them, I'm reminded of family and birthdays and the wonderful summers I spent up at their house. And life. You can't smell a bush of gardenias and not be reminded by how wonderful life can be, just in that split second. You smell roses, and you might want to throw them on the ground if you're lonely and heart-broken. Carnations make you wince and remind you how poor you might be. But gardenias? They bring in the summer, they look and smell amazing and they are without of doubt one of my favorite small pleasures of life.

***
So last night I had a very fantastic date that involved a bottle of wine, a blanket and hanging out talking under the stars. And here I thought all men found that extremely cheesy? I guess I was wrong. If this entry is any indication, I don't believe romance is dead. I'm just very very skeptical.

Also I am totally channeling Little Edie from Grey Gardens today. I am definitely falling in love with that movie. I love the thematic notions of fallen high society (see also: the great gatsby)."I think this is the best costume for today"





PS - does anyone know how I can code some space between my picture and text. I'm using "style: float left" but I can't figure out how to add spacing (hspace and vspace don't work.) Ugh, I haven't done HTML coding in years, I've almost completely forgotten everything.

Best family in the whole wide world. I may not have siblings, but I have really awesome parents and aunts and uncles.



Only at Elon would there be an ice sculpture...



Dramatic grad

I applied for my first credit card today. I am using it to pay for my personal training study materials AND NOTHING ELSE.

*crickets*

Hey, a girl can BROWSE the pretty clothes, right? I mean, I ran 5 miles tonight. Size 6 booty, here I come (we're almost there...I'm hoping it'll be there somewhere around July)!!

All looking and no playing makes Ginny a dull gal (but one with deeper pockets). Besides I just saw that "Confessions of a Shopaholic" movie and it was so ridiculously shallow and weak-plotted, I was not inspired.

http://www.bluefly.com/Elie-Tahari-dark-chocolate-leopard-print-Jordana-dress/cat60019/303640801/detail.fly

Elie, you're killing me! RAWR!


http://www.bluefly.com/Tbags-one-shoulder-grecian-print/COLOR_CROSS-SELL/303421501/detail.fly

Coulda worn THAT to the Toga Party and really made an impression.


http://www.bluefly.com/Badgley-Mischka-black-floral-lace-strapless-dress/cat60019/303352001/detail.fly

This is just "Gossip Girl" awesomeness.


http://www.bluefly.com/Dolce-Gabbana-silver-pebble-leather-platform-sandals/cat20460/303206101/detail.fly

And I am not a shoe gal...but this is just fan-freaking-tastic! "How do you spell Gabbana? Hello?"


***

So anyways, I'm digging into the ole' relationship guides again. Because when you're single, you don't want to make mistakes when THE ONE comes along, just in case he does. You don't want to be the bucket of crazy. One of them says to imagine an extreme ideal scenario that you would find with your perfect mate. Because if you dream it, he will come (or in the case of my ex, two hours of work followed by a lot of pouting *rim shot*). Well, I can imagine a heck of a lot of things, but here goes: An envelope is spontaneously delivered to my pillow. Inside, two tickets to Miami for the weekend, with lodgings at a fabulous spa resort. The weekend includes latin dancing, massages, jetskiing, afternoon naps by the ocean, and lotsa lotsa love-making.

So yes, should you ever want to sweep me off my feet, a sunny beachy get-away in an awesome hotel is the way to do it. In fact, it doesn't even have to be at the beach (but there does need to be a pool...on the roof maybe?) Yes, some women dream of Paris, others of St. Tropez, but I just love a snazzy resort hotel.



Because it's funny. And I am forever crushing on Jon Hamm.

Well, attention on the "Cardiac" Canes is running high in the Triangle right now. It seems people only pay attention when we get into the playoffs. We play Pittsburgh this week and if we win that, onto the Stanley Cup!

http://www.puckhuffers.com/2009/01/puck-huffers-staff-vs-staal-brothers.html From the "Puck Huffers"

PUCK HUFFERS OFFICIAL STAAL BROTHER DRINKING GAME RULES

Drinking begins at puck drop. If there is anything during pre-game, you're just going to have to bite your tongue because you at least want to generally remember the game, don't you? Well, maybe not. It is MSG. But we kind of want to know the result without having to check NHL.com Tuesday morning.

Single shot to be taken if:
- it is mentioned that the Staals are brothers
- if it is mentioned that there are other Staals, not present, who are also in the NHL
- if a phrase such as "sibling rivalry" is used
- if it is pointed out that BOTH STAALS ARE ON THE ICE
- if anyone mentions the sod farm
- if any random facts are introduced about the present Staals or the Staal family
- if the Staal parents are mentioned
- if any Staal reference occurs that would simply not occur in a one-Staal game

Doubleshot to be taken if:
- a comparative Staal brother graphic is shown on the screen
- if they are verbally compared AT LENGTH by the announcers (use your own discretion in deciding what "length" is)
- if a video clip of the brothers/family is shown
- if an interview with a Staal brother happens at intermission (add an additional shot if the Staal brother is asked anything about playing against his brother)
- if the Staal parents are in attendance (this cancels out taking a single shot if the parents are mentioned, but not if they are mentioned separately from the fact that they are in attendance)

If you're playing an advanced version of this game, you can mix yourself a drink and keep it nearby.

You can work on the mixed drink if:
- there is an intermission feature on the Staal brothers
- there is a mention of a Staal on Staal play, such as a Staal delivering a crushing check on another Staal, or a Staal being stripped of the puck by another Staal
- if the game is over and the team you were rooting for shit its pants

Stop if you feel sick/want to stop. We will not be held responsible for any shit that happens to you playing this game. You play at your own risk, kids.

This is the stupidest star destiny ever.

May 12, 2009
Scorpio (10/23-11/21)

It's time to start recognizing all of the attention you have been getting for what it truly is -- praise and admiration! That hottie is not looking at the clock behind you, they're looking at you -- and wondering if you're single. Those complimentary emails you keep getting from your boss are not the kind of emails that they send to everyone else -- you're someone they are watching with an eye toward the future. Recognize the impact you have on the world.

It's Mother's Day. I work in a card shop, so I must rejoice over this. In any case, I had about $70 in Hallmark money and I get 40% off so I was able to get my mom a Vera Bradley beach bag, a towel and an ID case (plus a card, obviously). And...for the VB haters (also my initials, how peculiar!), the bag was a plain terrycloth navy color with a medallion. None of this paisley hot mess for my mom.

We had brunch with my grandma at Cheesecake Factory before I had to go to work. The brunch was at 9:45...I was not awake. I made an off-hand comment about how the hot tub and the canopy my mom bought for the deck is totally grungy and mildewed and how one should take care of their expensive possessions. Apparently, I was out of line. In any case, I ate a lot of french toast and drank a too-big cup of cappacino...I was practically comatose at work, but I managed to sell a tons of purses to women just like my mom.

When I got home, the patio chairs were sprayed down and the hot tub appeared to be cleaned out a bit. On Mother's Day. I feel like shit. But that's my mom. But I mean, she made the reservation for the brunch. She paid for half of it. She bought me a necklace a UO yesterday. She does every gesture before you can, and I always feel perpetually guilty. You can't serve the ultimate server.

Life is all right.

I got some tools from the doc to work on my anxiety at work... and I picked up some extra shifts. As he said, I should stop being so hard on myself (how many times have I heard THAT? LOL) and acknowledge the fact that I am moving forward, no matter how slow it may be.

Being single is working out fairly well for me. I am certainly not lonely. I am reading the Millionaire Matchmaker's book (oh yeah...mom got me that too! Kind of as a joke. Fancy that.) about picking a mate. It just occured to me this afternoon that all those dating books they have in the self-help aisle are relevant to me again. ("He's Just Not That Into You", anyone? How about "Face it, you're not into him either" which, come to think of it, I believe is a real book.) I'm not looking to get married, I'm not looking for any long term thing. I just want to be treated with affection and care and go on dates that occasionally end in breakfast and have a good time. That's it. But I don't know what I'm doing...I let passion get in the way of logic. I try too hard. I beat myself up. I am not good at the rules, I HATE playing games and the last relationship I had was a total set-up from the get-go. So I am starting from square one. But I'm out there, and that's a good start.

My friend got a widescreen LCD for graduation. In this economy?!? Do parents and grandparents still give grandiose gifts at graduation (whoa alliteration)? I'm not expecting anything. I haven't even wished for anything. Okay, that's not entirely true. I would like a massage. But, I didn't know it was an option.

But damn...I sure would love to treat my newly slim figure to some dresses! Did you know that a 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio is considered the "classically perfect" ratio for a woman and that is what I am?? Of course, we do not live in Helen of Troy times...! Alas, I was born for another era.




Oh...gorgeous Nanette & Diane. Now I just need an occasion...!

One more OH! CONGRATS TO MY FRIENDS WHO GRADUATED THIS WEEKEND!!! Mine is coming in two weeks. And I don't even want to discuss it. Nor do I want to go. If you want to know...how I feel...well, ask.